Sa(n)d in My Crotch

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I love to pretend like I know how to swim  when all I can do is float for several seconds and wade through the water. I’m also afraid of sharks. And drowning. But when it comes to pretending to swim, and acting like I’m good at it? I can do.

Going to the beach was one of my favorite things to do as a child. I loved wearing my one-piece bathing suit that was covered with flowers and included a non-functional skirt that was part of the look. I remember my dad telling me to don’t swim very far but I liked knowing that I can go out deeper into the ocean and the fear behind that idea made me want it more. That was, until the strong ocean currents took me away. I couldn’t wade back to the shore and found myself drifting further out. Fear kicked in. I didn’t know how to swim and I was losing my footing to the ocean floor. I called out my dad. He saw me and immediately jumped into the water. I saw him coming after me. Seconds later, he picked me up and brought me back to the shore. I was relieved. My dad is a useless man but when it comes to life or death situation, he knows how to save you. I thanked my dad and looked for a cold bottle of water in the cooler. Almost losing your life to the ocean can really make a person thirsty.

“Hey. You have balls.”

My dad chuckled and pointed out my bathing suit.
I looked down and saw that my bathing suit had collected sand in the crotch area.
It really did look like I had balls. I kept it that way for the rest of the day until my entire crotch area developed a rash. It was a sad day for my crotch but a good day for the beach.